Thursday, 8 March 2007

John Reid authorises creation of anti-terrorist clone army

A new 100,000-strong army of clone community anti-terrorism officers will be created as part of the Government's Preventing Extremism Together programme, Home Secretary John Reid has announced.

Reid said that while his decision to authorise the creation of a clone army was a reluctant one it was necessary to combat the terrorist threat, which he described as "the most dangerous since the Second Galactic War".

"I know some people will have concerns about our initiative, and it is a step I take with great reluctance, but it is necessary if we are to combat the extremist threat in our midst. Our clone officers will work with the muslim community to promote peace and democracy," he cackled.

The duties of community anti-terrorism officers will include:

* working with imams and mosque officials in the UK
* distributing a British Muslim citizenship 'toolkit' to equip Islamic societies, mosques, parents and youth to deal with extremist tendencies
* the construction of a fully operational Death Star to act as a community-based anti-terrorist 'hub'
* hitting terrorists with blasters at Stockwell tube station

Reid revealed that the spawning of clone anti-terrorism officers had aleady been initiated with a phased roll-out expected to take place over a three year period from 2009 to 2011.


Paretomove said...

I await with interest Reid's response to US proposals to house its Star Wars computer system in the UK. Casting aside the obvious criticisms about an absence of human rights, general big brother-ness and cosy-ing up to the States all too easily, I think this would be a very good development.

Anybody with even scant knowledge of public policy would know that the UK has a disastrously poor record with IT systems housed here - the NHS super-system (when will we see that, exactly?), CSA, Tax Credits etc. etc. - so the Yankee system is bound to fail by virtue of simply being based somewhere in misty Yorkshire.

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